Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
