Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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