your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
