U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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