I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Welp...herpes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
