Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
