Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
