no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
