i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
