I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
