Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
