maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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