I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Two words: blizzard sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
