I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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