dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
