plz talk dirty to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
