you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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