you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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