If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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