Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
