I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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