She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
