i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
