How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
