I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
