I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
