I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
