Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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