What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
