just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
