It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
