I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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