You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
