He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
