OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
