I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
