Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
