Kiss
Puke
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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