So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
