you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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