Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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