I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
