she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
