We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
