I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
