They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
