3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
