If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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