Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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