I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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